“The Root of Autistic Masking”

mask.jpg “But we don’t see it in school” (Mum must be lying), “S/he’s fine here, no trouble.” (Mum is attention-seeking, maybe she has FII), “Really? I can’t imagine him/her behaving like that, s/he’s never done that here.” (Mum must have poor parenting skills/there are issues at home).

So many autism parents have encountered this scenario.  Why?  Really – why, why, why, why – when there is much basic autism information available free online from reliable sources, which states that masking in high-functioning autistic children is commonplace?

Occam’s Razor says that the simplest answer is usually the correct one.  So, then I ask professionals, what is more likely – that most parents are devious liars with issues, that have nothing better to do than create work for themselves by inventing their child’s difficulties just for the hell of it?  Or that their child really is very anxious, struggling in the school environment and is holding it in whilst there and releasing it in an explosion at home?

Why do autistics mask?  Anxiety and/or inhibition.  Inhibition because they realised or sensed from early on, that they were different and struggled in interactions.  They are likely to have been excluded, ridiculed or bullied for being different.  They pressure themselves to fit in, because all anyone wants is acceptance.  They may also have developed a phobia about being told-off by teachers, or being unpopular with peers.

You know what’s sad about this situation (aside from children not being given either the diagnosis or help that they need that is)?  Is that autistics cannot be themselves.  That autistics have to put on an act, adopt a persona, to be considered acceptable to society.  That they have to live in fear of being judged for their differences.  Misjudged.  That to not be negatively targeted, they have to mimic others and suppress their natural traits.  And it is exhausting to mask.

Why would professionals, teachers and CAMHS clinicians, paediatricians, not realise these most basic facts (and they are supposed to be the ones experienced in children’s behaviours)?  That standing out and drawing negative consequences or reactions, is more than enough to make someone keep a lid on it until they feel safe to let it out?  That they may be in such abject fear and anxiety of the situation they are in, such as school, that they are almost frozen in fear for the duration.  To exist in that state for a whole school day, why is it a surprise that by the time they return home to their family, they are unable to do anything but display challenging behaviours to release it?

Obviously it’s not as simple as these professionals not understanding or realising.  It’s also highly convenient to blame parents, if blaming parents saves money.  Many professionals bask in the glory of their position and the power it gives them.  Some relish misusing that power to become playground bullies all over again, but this time it’s sanctioned by policies and procedures that are conveniently designed to be misused.  Professional bias goes a long way, it’s like a Mexican wave, one starts with a particular viewpoint and the others all willingly join in, oblivious to other possibilities because agreeing is an easy ride and also lets them off the hook if they have been responsible in any way for exacerbating the child’s difficulties (whether by accident or design).

The vast majority of parents see their child in difficulty and want to help them.  Behaviour is telling you something and autistics often have trouble speaking up away from their family.  So they may tell their parents how they feel but be unable to in school.  It’s normal for a parent to want to resolve their child’s difficulties.  Imagine how it is to approach the very people you are supposed to have faith in, only to be dismissed and made to feel it’s your own fault.  Imagine how it is to see your child being tortured every day and being like the last Spartan at Thermopylae against a Persian army, trying to save them.

I do also like to make a particular point on this topic when I can: when professionals say that a child being disruptive in school, must be having issues at home, then the reverse has to be true by their own logic.  That a child being challenging at home, must be having problems at school.  They cannot say that for both scenarios, the problems lie at home!

Professionals simply have to do some basic research such as by reading the above articles and learn to be accepting of what parents are telling them.  Teachers are rarely autism experts and do not have the qualifications to comment on whether a child could not be autistic based on them being passive in school.  If parents can learn this stuff, then you’d expect professionals who are in the job of being around children all day, to do so.  The more parents talk about this issue, hopefully more awareness of masking will be raised.

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“The Authorities Using Our Vulnerable Children as Weapons Against Us”

Suffer Little Children Matthew 19-14 Autistic children – like children with other disabilities – are vulnerable.  Because they are vulnerable they need additional support.  It is part of their parent’s role to seek that support and help, as any decent parent naturally would.  So why, are there so many professionals that actively obstruct this process and refuse the help and support those vulnerable children need?

This scenario can go as far as professionals lying about parents to avoid providing needed resources, and this seems to be common, shockingly.  In the worst case scenario, children are wrongfully removed from loving and innocent parents, to prevent that family gaining access to diagnoses or resources.  Cases can be and are, fabricated against parents, using false accusations of emotional harm and MSBP/FII, abuse or neglect.

Ultimately, who suffers?  The children of course.  Those vulnerable children are being used as weapons against their parents, who are just doing what not only nature compels them to do, but government policies themselves say they should.  So how is it that such policies are being misused against so many parents?  Because there are insufficient safeguards against it.  Because professionals are given too much power, to use their ‘professional opinion’ for iniquitous reasons and not only are there insufficient safeguards, but there is almost no policing or consequences for them having done so.  Because resources are guarded so fiercely and SEN parents seen as the enemy, professional departments think nothing of covering up wrongdoing, after all, that wrongdoing is encouraged and in fact, required.  This tells you what type of people work in those roles, at best weak and putting their job first, at worst, heartless and cruel.

Regulatory bodies frequently say either that they don’t investigate individual cases, are toothless bodies in name only, or simply ignore evidence against professionals because the policies that come from the top, actively encourage or allow this behaviour.  The public are left with suing as a method of redress and how many can afford that.

The stories of parents being threatened with false accusations or removal of their children are all over blogs and parent forums.  How did we get to a situation, where so-called professionals think it’s OK, to put a family through such hell to avoid providing resources?  Everything is money-driven, we know budgets are being cut, we know savings have to be made.  So it’s far more expedient for professionals to falsely accuse parents to avoid diagnosing or supporting a child with the condition they have.  What a government this country has, where money comes before lives and wellbeing.  How short-sighted and ironic.  The same government which penalises and punishes the disabled through making DLA/PIP so hard to obtain or keep.  Surely by providing the support that vulnerable children need is a long-term investment, because they may then do so well that they don’t need to seek disability benefits as adults.

How do these policy makers and professionals sleep easy at night, knowing they are condemning innocent children who are already disadvantaged by their disability, to serious struggles and gross detriment to their mental health and wellbeing?  Do they think that falsely accusing parents isn’t going to impact their children?  Obstructing and causing stress to parents is only going to be detrimental to them, and to leave their child without the support they need is obviously likewise going to put their children through a negative experience.  Many SEN parents can testify that when it boils down to it, the professionals who claim on paper that they put the wellbeing and outcomes of these children first, do absolutely nothing of the sort.  They are using our children as weapons against us.

Whether it be by employing LA educational psychologists who, despite claiming ethics and independence, write reports that deliberately do not accurately represent the child’s true needs, or by trying to force parents to send vulnerable children into unsuitable mainstream placements, or forcing parents to SENDIST leaving their children suffering during the whole drawn-out process, by refusing to assess for an EHCP, by forcing parents into obtaining private reports to get what their child needs – or by actively making false accusations against parents and destroying families.  Money is the root of all evil (Timothy 6:10).

And sadly, for the sins of those who put money first: Suffer the little children…(Matthew 19:14)