Worrying Perils for ASD-PDA Parents: the “Perfect Storm” for misunderstanding

This is a very hard post to write, for various reasons.  There are some in the autism community who feel very strongly about autism parents accepting all autistic behaviours and that parents should not speak negatively about them.  Being autistic myself, I see both sides and I don’t like seeing autism ‘martyrs’ who humiliate their children online with real names, videos and photographs of their child’s difficult moments and speak constantly of the negatives as if there are no positives, purely to obtain attention/sympathy.  But we have to face facts, being an autism parent is extremely hard, especially if your child has an ASD sub-type such as pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and/or if there is a complex presentation such as additional conditions e.g. ADHD or mental health difficulties.

Research has shown that autism mothers especially have inordinately high stress levels, as tested by their stress hormones, such as cortisol.  There is no denying it.  An autistic child can have extremely challenging behaviours, despite the best efforts of a parent to recognise triggers and do all they can to provide the right environment for the child.  And it can be soul-destroying not to find any rhyme nor reason for explosive behaviour despite trying everything – especially if you are an autistic parent and have that additional insight.

This post, is about atypical perception, invisible communication difficulties, the empathy deficits that mean an autistic child cannot understand why lying can have detrimental impact on others (which overlaps with the atypical perception such that it can be very hard to define where it’s a lie or a serious misconstruing) and co-morbid mental health difficulties, that can drive an autistic child towards negative behaviours and intentions.  Of course, the mental health difficulties so often stem from struggles in the school environment and despite their best efforts, parents can do very little about those.

When an autistic child has atypical perceptions, they see and live experiences differently, they may put a completely different complex on a matter than the reality.  If that child is anxious or depressed, it’s likely to be a negative complex.  An example, is our youngest child attributing negative motives to everyone (and then because of PDA, seeking revenge on the ‘offender’) which are simply not there.  Autistics are often more easily traumatised by things than non-autistics, and the triggers for those feelings might be inconsequential to most people, but still very distressing to the autistic child.  There can be a tendency to exaggerate by the child, that may be how it feels to them and they can be confused, because of the atypical perception.

Autistic children are said to be very honest, it’s true autistics are on average more honest than non-autistics, but they can also mimic others and when they do learn to lie, can fall into a pattern of behaviour in a very literal way, that they think is socially acceptable because they have learned that peers lie and the autistic may struggle to find the ‘off button’ and go to the extreme with it.  Autistic children can be incredibly rigid too, and anxiety levels can drive the rigidity.  So if they tell a lie, they may doggedly stick to it and mental health difficulties may make them want to ‘punish’ the person they are lying to or about, by sticking to the lie, in the face of explanations as to the problems it is causing.

When an autistic child is intelligent, especially if they have mimicked things (including contexts) they have seen and heard from peers, from books or TV and films, they can appear to be completely plausible in their lie or misinterpretation.  Their vocabulary may be extensive which again lends credibility to what they say.  They may feel so anxious (in an existential sense) that they simply cannot think past their own emotions and feelings to realise what it is they are doing is wrong.  They may lack the empathy to see the consequences.  Mimicking can also make an autistic child latch onto something they have heard from another source and use it as a display of their negative behaviour, without true understanding of what they are saying, or the impact of it.

Of course, there is also literalness to add into the mix too and when combined with atypical perception, it is a double whammy to deal with.  Interpretation can be so off, but the response given seem to fit so well, that the untrained ear would not realise the lie, miscommunication or unintentional misrepresentation by the child.  PDA is a really good example of this.

The difficulty speaking up for an autistic child, may mean that they seek their parent to advocate for them.  Their parent is their place of safety and comfort, their parents are the people who understand them the most.  When they are masking in e.g. school, mimicking behaviours such as smiling and laughing and appeasing others to fit in, they can appear to be managing very well.  So the parent might be the only person presenting the child’s difficulties which others don’t see.  However, the release of all the stress of faking it all day, can be extreme.  In the case of a PDA child, it is the worst it can get.

A PDA child will utilise ever more sophisticated methods of not only avoiding what they don’t want to do, but to control the parent who they are focusing on.  PDA often means obsession with people, rather than things as in other ASD subtypes.  Much like OCD, the anxiety makes them want to control, and this will be controlling the person closest to them, which is often the mother.  That parent becomes the focus of blame, revenge, lying, manipulation and control by the PDA child.  The higher their anxiety goes the worst these behaviours usually become.  Underlying the behaviour may also be an anger that the world is a frightening and challenging place, that they believe mum should be ‘saving’ them from and seemingly isn’t.  The obsession may mean mum is put on a pedestal of superhero proportions.  Of course the higher the pedestal the further there is to fall, hence the negative obsession with mum develops.  The almost perpetual state of anxiety the PDA child lives in, means that mum is continually punished for not waving that magic wand and making everything as they wish it.  It can become for the parent, like an abusive relationship, where they are worn down by the control, violence, manipulation and obsessiveness of their own child.

http://www.thepdaresource.com/files/An%20examination%20of%20the%20
behavioural%20features%20associated%20with%20PDA%20using%20a%20
semi-structured%20interview%20-%20Dr%20E%20O%27Nions.pdf

“Several children displayed obsessive controlling behaviour towards a particular member of their family.”

“All parents reported their child blamed others when things go wrong, even when it was their own fault. This frequently had an irrational quality, such as blaming younger siblings or parents for their own behaviour, or using elaborate justifications to blame people for events they were unconnected to.”

It seems to be a common PDA set of behaviours that the child will try to control what the parent says, control what answer the parent gives to a question and when that is evidently not happening, it’s a trigger for a meltdown.  The parent can be prevented from retreating from the presence of the child, who may scream blue murder if the parent tries.  PDA parents end up walking on fine eggshells, to avoid an explosion.  The child can use manipulation against the parent to achieve their goal, whether that be avoidance, control, revenge etc.  Attempts by the parent to instill boundaries and maintain parental control can become impossible.

The child can be so confused by their social experiences, including within the family and their distortion of events can be marked, that communicating with the child is regularly fraught with the child flaring up irrationally.  It makes for very hard communication, because the parent can try to explain that a scenario or event was not how the child perceived it, but they will rigidly refuse to accept it.  Meltdowns can be triggered by such misunderstandings by the child.  There is no more frustrating meltdown, than one based on a mistaken understanding.

The lying and false accusations by an ASD-PDA child can be devastating to parents, who are trying their level best to support and understand their child.  The PDA Society helpline is aware of this as a serious issue for PDA parents, as this thread shows:

“I am one of the Trustees of the PDA Society and whilst every situation is different, I have encountered enquiries on our enquiry line from parents whose children have accused them of physical harm, mental cruelty and sexual abuse to mention a few.

Children with PDA do not realise the full consequences of their actions.

Their parents may have disciplined them or denied them a new pair of trainers and they can seek revenge in some very drastic ways but not realise how it will affect their parent.”

As that thread shows, the false accusations about parents are not always only made directly to the parents, sometimes – and tragically – they are made to third parties as a revenge behaviour.  This is where things become extremely serious.  When a child makes an allegation of abuse against a parent, they are usually automatically believed, hence it is termed officially as ‘disclosure’.  The odds are stacked against the parent because of hysterical attitudes towards child protection in the UK.  There is rarely adequate understanding of autism and for PDA it’s close to zero.  One clinician who does understand these false allegations is Dr Judy Eaton, at Help for Psychology.

Even with Asperger’s lying can be an issue.  The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood  (from p121-122)

“Where lying is becoming an issue for the family and friends of the person with Asperger’s syndrome, explanations will be sought. First, due to impaired or delayed ToM abilities, the person with Asperger’s syndrome may not realize that the other person is likely to be more offended by the lie than by any apparent misdemeanour. Second, he or she may consider that a lie can be a way of avoiding consequences, or a quick solution to a social problem. What the person might not acknowledge is that lying can also be a way of maintaining self-esteem should he or she have an arrogant self-image, whereby the making of mistakes is unthinkable.”

“A sense of paranoia
One of the consequences of impaired or delayed ToM skills for the person with Asperger’s syndrome is a difficulty in distinguishing between deliberate or accidental actions of another person.”

There is research on the issue:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4820467/

“In contrast, other features characteristic of PDA very clearly differentiated PDA-like individuals within the ASD group. These included (amongst others) apparently manipulative behaviour, difficulties with other people, harassment of others, fantasising, lying, cheating, stealing and socially shocking behaviour.”

The child may use the threat of making allegations against the parent, to hold over the parent as a manipulation tool also.

When the child is seemingly unable to have empathy for others, is vengeful, distorts reality and lies profusely, this is a perfect storm for a parent to be under threat of false accusations and living in fear of it happening.

When you consider the autism ignorance out there, the myth that autistic children cannot lie and the parent-blaming by professionals, a parent can live in abject fear and not know which way to turn, when in this situation.

So this post is just to put this out there, much more needs to be discussed and done, about ASD-PDA families living in these untenable circumstances.  To anyone reading this who is in that situation, just know that there are many others out there.  It doesn’t help your personal situation of course, but feeling less alone, might be the difference between life and death for someone.

“The Authorities Using Our Vulnerable Children as Weapons Against Us”

Autistic children – like children with other disabilities – are vulnerable.  Because they are vulnerable they need additional support.  It is part of their parent’s role to seek that support and help, as any decent parent naturally would.  So why, are there so many professionals that actively obstruct this process and refuse the help and support those vulnerable children need?

This scenario can go as far as professionals lying about parents to avoid providing needed resources, and this seems to be common, shockingly.  In the worst case scenario, children are wrongfully removed from loving and innocent parents, to prevent that family gaining access to diagnoses or resources.  Cases can be and are, fabricated against parents, using false accusations of emotional harm and MSBP/FII, abuse or neglect.

Ultimately, who suffers?  The children of course.  Those vulnerable children are being used as weapons against their parents, who are just doing what not only nature compels them to do, but government policies themselves say they should.  So how is it that such policies are being misused against so many parents?  Because there are insufficient safeguards against it.  Because professionals are given too much power, to use their ‘professional opinion’ for iniquitous reasons and not only are there insufficient safeguards, but there is almost no policing or consequences for them having done so.  Because resources are guarded so fiercely and SEN parents seen as the enemy, professional departments think nothing of covering up wrongdoing, after all, that wrongdoing is encouraged and in fact, required.  This tells you what type of people work in those roles, at best weak and putting their job first, at worst, heartless and cruel.

Regulatory bodies frequently say either that they don’t investigate individual cases, are toothless bodies in name only, or simply ignore evidence against professionals because the policies that come from the top, actively encourage or allow this behaviour.  The public are left with suing as a method of redress and how many can afford that.

The stories of parents being threatened with false accusations or removal of their children are all over blogs and parent forums.  How did we get to a situation, where so-called professionals think it’s OK, to put a family through such hell to avoid providing resources?  Everything is money-driven, we know budgets are being cut, we know savings have to be made.  So it’s far more expedient for professionals to falsely accuse parents to avoid diagnosing or supporting a child with the condition they have.  What a government this country has, where money comes before lives and wellbeing.  How short-sighted and ironic.  The same government which penalises and punishes the disabled through making DLA/PIP so hard to obtain or keep.  Surely by providing the support that vulnerable children need is a long-term investment, because they may then do so well that they don’t need to seek disability benefits as adults.

How do these policy makers and professionals sleep easy at night, knowing they are condemning innocent children who are already disadvantaged by their disability, to serious struggles and gross detriment to their mental health and wellbeing?  Do they think that falsely accusing parents isn’t going to impact their children?  Obstructing and causing stress to parents is only going to be detrimental to them, and to leave their child without the support they need is obviously likewise going to put their children through a negative experience.  Many SEN parents can testify that when it boils down to it, the professionals who claim on paper that they put the wellbeing and outcomes of these children first, do absolutely nothing of the sort.  They are using our children as weapons against us.

Whether it be by employing LA educational psychologists who, despite claiming ethics and independence, write reports that deliberately do not accurately represent the child’s true needs, or by trying to force parents to send vulnerable children into unsuitable mainstream placements, or forcing parents to SENDIST leaving their children suffering during the whole drawn-out process, by refusing to assess for an EHCP, by forcing parents into obtaining private reports to get what their child needs – or by actively making false accusations against parents and destroying families.  Money is the root of all evil (Timothy 6:10).

And sadly, for the sins of those who put money first: Suffer the little children…(Matthew 19:14)

 

State Kidnapping of the Children of Autistic Mothers

What can be done, about the utterly shocking situation of decent autistic mothers (some who were undiagnosed at the time), intelligent and caring women who love their children, having them ripped away on the basis of false accusations, misrepresentation and/or misunderstanding of autism, discrimination – and who were in no way neglectful or abusive to their children? How can this be allowed? What sort of society are we to stand by and watch while it happens?

I have encountered 3-4 autistic mothers online just in the last year or so, who have had 1-4 children each stolen this way, as a result of accusations of MSBP/FII.  All the women have come across as caring, warm-hearted and desperately loving their children and wanting them back.  I have contacts who know of far more cases through almost daily pleas for help, they are just the tip of the iceberg.  Imagine all those out there who don’t know where to turn and never contact anyone for help?

Genuine MSBP/FII cases are very rare.  It is not a condition in itself, it is a set of behaviours caused by mental illness, or in some cases personality disorder, making the parent/carer either induce or invent conditions in their child for attention.  Approximately ⅔ to ¾ of general child protection referrals turn out to be unwarranted.  Imagine how much rarer it is for an MSBP/FII accusation to be true.  In this presentation, Dr Helen Hayward-Brown (medical anthropologist) goes through the relevant points showing how wrongly it is used against parents and how they don’t stand a chance against such accusations.  She wrote a 1999 paper in which she explains extremely thoroughly, how this “diagnosis” is misused and for the reasons it is currently being misused, is almost impossible to prove innocence of, citing many valid points which are overlooked by the authorities blindly accepting it as a truth.  Many of the supposed “traits” of it, are the traits any concerned parent would show in a medical situation with their child.  But autistic mothers being misunderstood, are very vulnerable to these false accusations.

Autism is one of a variety of conditions, which can be either misunderstood or unrecognised by doctors and when parents persist in trying to get their child’s difficulties recognised or supported, sometimes professionals retaliate with false accusations of MSBP/FII.  It does seem to be becoming increasingly common for professionals, protecting resources, irritated with parents seeking support for their child, or parents disagreeing with professionals, to be instigators of revenge accusations.  Professionals stick together, one makes an accusation and it is immediately taken as valid by all the others.  Something documented, however false, follows someone round from report to report, where they all quote the original and one another, as gospel ~ either through confirmation bias, or collusion.

Autistic traits in a parent, mean they may communicate in an atypical way, not show the deference professionals expect and are vulnerable to being misunderstood.  Discrimination makes people ill – the NHS admits it here.  If the child is autistic, especially if undiagnosed, professionals can mistake their autism traits as signs of abuse or neglect.

When an autistic parent is in court, especially if they are undiagnosed, they face a system which despite the law, does not proactively provide reasonable adjustments and is a bed of ignorance and lack of awareness of autism by those in power.  This leaves the parent highly vulnerable to being misinterpreted and wrongly judged.

Some autistic parents are wrongly accused of or diagnosed with, having personality disorders.  I have compiled a list of autistic traits which can be mistaken for grandiosity or narcissism (a particular Aspie mum lost her children by use of such false accusations):

• outspokenness/bluntness because people with Asperger’s are very honest often due to not processing likely impact;
• lack of recognising ‘status’ in people of authority/professionals or lack of understanding of social hierarchies (hence talking to them at an equal level and not showing the deference that NTs might);
• difficulties in voice modulation (speaking either too quietly or too loudly) and loud volume of speech can be mistaken for domineering attitude;
• intense research and absorbing of facts which gives a “mini professor” appearance that can be mistaken for a “know-it-all” by others;
• difficulties in interpreting when it’s turn to speak, giving wrong impression of interruption purposely and in ignorance of the opinions of others;
• monologuing, mistaken as opinionated or selfish;
• difficulties focusing when in conversation with others, so needing to ‘get out’ everything has to say in one go, mistaken for being overbearing;
• difficulties knowing when others are bored or unwilling to listen, can be mistaken for arrogance or selfishness.

There may be some autistic parents (as with non-autistic ones) who need parenting courses or support to adequately parent, but that does not mean that autistic person cannot be a good parent!  There are plenty of amazing autistic parents out there!

The trauma to the child and parents from removing children are massive and lifelong.  That damage cannot be undone.  Your DNA carries forward trauma to future generations.  So what such state abuse does, is damage those they traumatise and their future generations of children too.  Considering also that the care system has such appalling outcomes for children, considering how many foster and adoptive parents abuse children (blood is thicker than water) too, how can they excuse this?

And added to that, as autistic parents often have autistic children, neurodiverse children that have not been diagnosed, are handed to new families on the pretext that their challenging behaviour is caused by abuse or neglect.  How many autistic children are wrongly diagnosed with attachment disorder?  A 2014 Parliamentary Inquiry into UK CAMHS, found that particular groups of children were being failed, one of these groups was adopted children.  Wouldn’t it be interesting to find out, how many supposedly suffering attachment disorder, actually had autism or ADHD?  So some supposedly abused or neglected children were removed wrongfully and even where it was known they were autistic and they were removed because the parents couldn’t cope, services clearly failed to provide the right support to enable them to keep their children.  Only this week, a story has surfaced about a little boy who has been taken from parents with learning disabilities (the mother was said to have autistic traits), who were admittedly devoted and all they needed was the right support to parent adequately.  The little boy’s behaviour was blamed on their lack of boundaries, but with both parents learning disabled and one potentially autistic, what are the odds his behaviour was in fact due to autism?

Autistic children do not necessarily have the same needs as non-autistic children either.  A social worker may for instance believe the parent is not socialising them enough, but many autistic children have meltdowns in the company of peers due to sensory issues, or do not want to play with peers who ridicule them, or they prefer playing alone.  So social workers are judging parents by neurotypical standards, and autism families will therefore always be found lacking according to the tick-boxes.

Social workers are not taking up the autism training they are required to according to the Autism Act 2009.  So more parents will continue to suffer misrepresentation and discrimination.  This is appalling and cannot continue.  Things have to change and soon.  With adoption being (ridiculously) irreversible in the UK (shockingly “public policy” ~ AKA saving face, is considered more important than destroying families lives), it’s too late for many.

If you consider how ordinary parents can fall victim to wrongful child protection interventions, imagine how much worse it is if you have a condition they are ignorant about?

Added to which, the DoH statutory guidance regarding autistic adults is so wishy-washy, authorities can get away without doing very much at all to diagnose and support autistic adults.  The DoH Statutory guidance for Local Authorities and NHS organisations to support implementation of the Adult Autism Strategy applies to all local authorities, NHS bodies and NHS Foundation Trusts and replaces the 2010 statutory guidance. It relates to England only.  Shockingly, authorities’ provision of a diagnostic pathway, adhering to the NHS NICE Guidance on assessing adults with autism and triggering of post-diagnostic assessment of needs, only come under the “should” category, which means, despite the Autism Act 2009, no authority will be held to account if they don’t ensure these are in place and working for all relevant adults.  So misdiagnosis or missed diagnosis, which are all too common, will keep on happening.  What incentive will there be when autism is the most expensive diagnosis to support and authorities are trying to save money?

So the issue of autistic parents being unsupported, misunderstood, misrepresented and discriminated against will continue, unless the Government does something to change it.  The Government has to listen to it’s people, so we must speak out, and speak out loud!

Edited 29.5.16: Preliminary research research results about the discrimination against autistic mothers here: https://insar.confex.com/insar/2016/webprogram/Paper22166.html  “Allegations of fabricated illness, and high rates of surveillance by social services suggest there may be discrimination towards mothers with autism.”

Parental Alienation – Or is it? Misrepresentation of Autistic Behaviours

http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/102708p26.shtml “Parental Alienation Syndrome — The Parent/Child Disconnect”

The above article totally ignores the potential for autism and possible resultant family dynamics in that situation. I will discuss just one scenario where this could be misused against a parent in an autism family.

Imagine if you will, a dad who for a variety of reasons does not accept his child could have autism. It could be that the mother sees the behaviours in an undiagnosed child, but the dad resists accepting the possibility. It could be that the child is diagnosed, but the dad does not accept the child’s differences or understand the condition. Some of the reasons this might occur is ego-based, fear, or even that the dad has autism himself so the child’s behaviours seem typical to him.

A quick Google will tell you that this problem is quite widespread.

I will quote some paragraphs from the above document and if you are an autism parent, you will see quickly, how dangerous this could be to you in an acrimonious separation situation.

2. Weak, Frivolous, and Absurd Rationalizations
When alienated children are questioned about the reasons for their intense hostility toward the targeted parent, the explanations offered are not of the magnitude that typically would lead a child to reject a parent. These children may complain about the parent’s eating habits, food preparation, or appearance.

That could have been written about an autistic child. What seems very minor or inconsequential to a neurotypical person can be hugely magnified to an autistic one. Autistics also focus on the details, so they will notice lots of little things and it will look to others like they are being disproportionate. A disgruntled father, who is lashing out at the mother and looking for blame, will of course cite this as a sign of unreasonableness and insist the mother has turned the child against them over a period of time or raised the child wrongly.

5. Absence of Guilt About the Treatment of the Targeted Parent
Alienated children typically appear rude, ungrateful, spiteful, and cold toward the targeted parent, and they appear to be impervious to feelings of guilt about their harsh treatment. Gratitude for gifts, favors, or child support provided by the targeted parent is nonexistent. Children with parental alienation syndrome will try to get whatever they can from that parent, declaring that it is owed to them.

Lowered empathy coupled with anxiety and stress can override what may seem logical reactions. An autistic child does not mean to be rude, but can be focused on those aforementioned minor details and not remember to thank, can be blunt and may focus on the negatives because the way the autistic mind thinks, there is no need to mention the positives as they don’t need resolving. Literalness can also mean that an autistic child views the role of the parent as a job, so that they must do certain things to be performing it correctly – that doesn’t mean they don’t love their parent. Stress can give rise to negative comments which the child may not perceive as mean due to low empathy. Autistic children can release some stress through complaining.

8. Rejection of Extended Family
Finally, the hatred of the targeted parent spreads to his or her extended family. Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so are his or her extended family. Formerly beloved grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are suddenly and completely avoided and rejected.

An autistic child may feel stressed at spending time with extended family members, especially if they don’t see them regularly, because it upsets their routine. Additionally, if those family members also don’t understand autism or don’t accept the child has autism, they will not be bearing in mind the specific needs of the child when they spend time with them, which can make the child feel uncertain and stressed. They are used to spending time with a mother that intuits their needs and is used to their whims. It can be a terrifying place to be plonked with family members who don’t respond the same way. If an autistic child has low danger awareness and the extended family members do not supervise accordingly, that can be a sticking point between the mother and the relatives, based on a very valid concern. That does not mean the parent is being obstructive or turning the child against relatives and if the father or his relatives don’t understand autism, it’s all too easy to assume the worst about the mother when she is entirely innocent.

If the child resists being taken out alone by the father, he might make assumptions that the mother is poisoning the child’s mind against him. But there are all sorts of reasons why the autistic child may resist spending time alone with the father that are nothing to do with the mother.

Let’s say the dad is one of those who is a real joker, doesn’t take anything seriously and he does not understand autism at all. He insists that if the child wails in protest at his jokes which are taken literally, that the child is exaggerating. If they have what seem to him to be extreme reactions, they are not exaggerating, it is their real experience, because that is how an autistic person processes it. Because of this, he stresses the child and they will only go somewhere with him if the mother goes too – which isn’t possible in the situation, so the child refuses to go. The father blames the mother for this.

Autistic children also can have inappropriate laughter when they are stressed, it’s a form of release of stress, so superficially it appears to the dad that the child is having a great time. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they are enjoying a situation. The child may return home very upset and having masked their distress whilst spending time with dad, then throws themselves at the mother complaining of a long list of upsets and say they will not go anywhere with the father again.

If the parents end up in a court situation, especially where social services are involved, the mother may be wrongfully demonised, accused of emotional harm and parental alienation and in a worst case scenario custody could be given to the father. Imagine giving custody to a father who rejects their child’s condition and does not know how to provide for the child’s needs? Any ensuing behavioural problems in the child resulting from this scenario would likely also be blamed on the mother, it would be claimed she had caused emotional damage and the child needed therapy to recover. In fact, in this situation it would be the father who needed therapy to overcome his rejection of the child’s condition and his wrongful anger against the mother that will only interfere with father-child bonding and prevent him being a good father.

The saddest irony, is that the very thing the father in this situation is falsely accusing the mother of, is the very thing that he ends up causing.

It is high time the differences of autism families are understood by all those who are involved with families, to ensure there is no misrepresentation of autism, no wrongful blame and no unjust and harmful interventions, devastating lives.