This one’s been brewing for a long while, intermittently I will come up against this incredibly unbelievable situation, where neurotypicals respond to me with such erroneous and gross assumptions about my purported intent, it flabbergasts me. I’m talking, actually telling me what I did and what it meant.
I do think this is a neurotypical quirk, autistic people are straightforward and honest (not always the height of popularity with neurotypicals). We mean what we say and say what we mean. Not so with the average neurotypical.
But I just can’t get used to that reaction, it confounds and confuses me. How do they think like that? It’s illogical to assume someone has a game-play behind every word or sentence. It’s the height of suspicion and how do they not find it draining to communicate that way and analyse things in such a fashion!
So because they imbue my responses with motives they don’t possess, they judge me – or should I say, misjudge me.
Hence the neurotypical reaction, can be resultantly accusational and even aggressive. I wouldn’t mind so much, but many of these neurotypicals are in fact parents of autistic children! Is this the reaction they would wish for their child when they become an adult? Where is the inclusion, understanding, reasonable adjustment, tolerance, open-mindedness and forward-thinking in their reactions?
There is a term for this behaviour, it’s called projection – to be specific, complementary projection. It is judging people by your own standards, it’s tarring everyone with the same brush, it’s making assumptions – and it’s not on.
To do it to anyone is narrow-minded, but to do it to an autistic is ridiculous. We are supposed to be the ones with communication deficits, so to end this blog post on a lighter note, we autistics label you neurotypicals as having neurotypical disorder. 😉 And remember…
There endeth the lesson!
Planet Autism Blog 
A classic example here – although this time it’s from a newly diagnosed Aspie, the principle of the behaviour is the same (funny how people accuse you of projecting when *they* are the ones projecting – isn’t that projecting!): http://archive.is/nFWZl
And my reply here (as it may well be moderated out by the blog author – and this topic may turn into a whole blog post): http://media.wix.com/ugd/58c8f1_34e5db251c174416896eab706a42b5c7.pdf
Funny how some people loudly proclaim their self-diagnosis as something to convince themselves/others and who respond in the most defensive manner possible to others responding rationally to the fallaciousness of their claims, accuse those responding of defensiveness!
OMG this infuriates me. My family etc. should know me by now, after more than 30 years… (which makes my brain immediately sing “If you don’t know me by now…” lol).
Many automatically assume we have the same low ethical standards / values as them, are manipulative etc. I actually believe Aspergers is only categorized as a “disorder” because we’re the minority.
Thank you for your posts, they explain really well. I have a problem putting into words what I experience, and also feel lonely many times. Reading the writings of someone who feels and thinks, in many ways, similarly, brings me great joy.
Btw if my phrases feel weird, sorry – not a native English speaker.
It’s funny Lidia how these issues transcend cultures and nationalities isn’t it! Don’t ever feel lonely, there is an online community of autistics out there you can connect with. Many autistics have their entire social life online (God knows what we will do if the internet ever implodes eh!). And your English is great.